


Never as Lost or as Found as We Think We Are

by andimeantittosting (Saylee)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode: s11e21 All In The Family, M/M, episode coda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-17
Updated: 2016-05-17
Packaged: 2018-06-08 22:52:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6878128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saylee/pseuds/andimeantittosting
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>11x21 Episode coda. Dean is not doing this. Not with Lucifer still wearing Cas.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never as Lost or as Found as We Think We Are

**Author's Note:**

> Title comes from Tyler Lyle's "Lost & Found"

By the time Dean and Sam get back to the bunker Chuck and Lucifer have come to some kind of truce, however grudging, and are waiting in the war room.

"Took you long enough," drawls Lucifer, from where he is lounging against the wall.

Sam ignores him, pulling up a chair and asking, "Okay, so what've we got?" But Dean, Dean just cannot with this.

"Okay, no," he says, jaw clenching as his hands tighten on the back of his chair, not making a move to pull it out. "I am not doing this, not like this. You," he glares at Chuck, "get your feet off my table. And you," he can barely bring himself to look at Lucifer, "you get out of Cas."

Lucifer tsks, amused. "No can do, Deano. If you want me on your team, I need a vessel. And this one is so nice and sturdy, don't you think?"

Dean can feel his teeth grinding as he holds himself still. There is a long beat of silence. "Well?" He finally demands of Chuck, who hasn't bothered moving his feet, "You're God. Can't you make him another vessel?"

"Y'know," Chuck remarks mildly, "You're not really in a position to be making demands. But since it means so much to you -" he waves his hand in a lazy manner, and then there are two Castiels. Well no, Dean knows instantly which is which, and he practically leaps towards his Cas with a glad cry.

"Dean?" Cas asks, dazed, as Dean catches him up in a hug, "What's -?" But then Dean steps back to let him breathe, still holding tight to Cas's upper arms, and Cas spies Chuck and goes rigid.

"You," he growls. Dean quickly moves out of his way, hovering just behind his shoulder. "I searched for you. I searched everywhere. And I begged you. I have tried so hard to do the right thing, and I have failed over and over. " Cas's face was grey, Dean realizes, and he is swaying where he stands. He reaches out a tentative hand to steady him, but Cas isn't finished. "But you weren't there. You left us. You left everyone. You made the humans better than us, but then you left them, too, to our mercy. While you were – you were off playing!"

Chuck has finally risen, wrath beginning to gather like storm clouds on his face.

"Hey, hey, Cas," Dean urges, wrapping an arm around Cas's trembling shoulders, "you can have it out with your dad later, but right now, I think you need to sit down."

He steers Cas, not to one of the chairs, but away from his Father, away from the smirking archangel into the hallway, taking more of his weight as Cas slumps against him, even as he protests weakly, "But Dean, he -"

"I know, I know," he soothes, pushing open the door to his room. "Your dad's an asshole." He kicks the door closed, and leads Cas over to the bed, pulling him down so they can sit side-by-side, pressed together hip to thigh. "I get it, believe me." He sighs, "But, you know, sometimes they know they're assholes, and they just – don't care. It doesn't make you wrong, but you might as well save your breath." Save yourself the hurt, he thinks. "And besides," he tries to lighten the mood, "I didn't like the way Chuck was looking at you. I'd hate for you to get smited, not when I just got you back." His voice sinks like a stone and he swallows heavily.

Cas hunches in on himself. "I'm sorry, Dean."

"Hey, no, don't be sorry." Dean tightens his arm around Cas's shoulders. "It's just, I missed you, man. So damn much. It was like my right arm was missing. Or not my arm, my heart." His voice breaks. "It was like walking around with a great big hole in my chest where you should be." He can feel wetness on his cheeks. Closing his eyes and breathing deeply through his nose, he tilts his head to rest gently against Cas's.

He feels Cas take his hand and opens his eyes to see their fingers laced together. Cas sighs softly. "I don't know what to do," he confesses. "Every time, I end up more lost."

"I know." Dean is lost, too, but he strokes his fingertips over the back of Cas's hand. "Can you just do this, for now? Just be here with me?"

Cas nods, and Dean doesn't fight the urge to press a kiss into his hair. They will need to face Chuck and Lucifer and Sam soon. They will need to face Amara. They are both desperately lost, have been for years, but just for now, for this quiet moment together, they are found.


End file.
